Unshackled!

"I don't understand it. I will never accept it. Twenty people died and no one is going to pay? How can this be?"
The Ottawa Citizen reported these pain-filled words of an Italian parent whose child had been killed in an accident at a resort. An American fighter pilot had accidentally flown through, and severed, the cable carrying a gondola car. The car crashed to the ground and shattered. All 20 occupants died instantly. An American military tribunal ruled the death accidental and acquitted the pilot. This week the Citizen also carried the account of enraged people in France protesting the acquittal of politicians on charges of manslaughter in that nation's tainted blood scandal. Same pain-filled question - "How can so many be ill and die, and no one have to pay for it?"

How can it be...... and why should it not be.....
...that when a wrong has been committed that someone should make good, pay back - that vengeance in some form should be exacted?
Is that not right..... not fitting?
These Italian and French citizens expressed sentiments and feelings that all of us encounter somewhere along the way, at least to some degree. In one way or another we have all been hurt, perhaps cut to the deepest core of our soul.
What has it been for you?
- perhaps a school teacher that humiliated you
- a spouse that violated your trust,
- a work associate who cheated you,
- a fellow church member who crossed you.......

And the result of that has been a buildup of resentment, frustration, bitterness, and perhaps even hatred. Sometimes it is only in small things, but sometimes it is heavy duty hurt, with major implications. Either way, it affects us.

Do you remember how it felt? Some of you don't have to remember. You are feeling it right now, and it's all you can do to continue to sit there. Tears are close to the surface. It's intense. And then we run headlong into this section of Matthew, with all the talk about resolving conflict with a brother, and forgiving one who violates you 77 times.
What's Jesus saying here?
What possible good could all this talk bring?
..... or is Jesus just heaping impossible demands onto our lives?

"Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
Peter honestly wanted to know. So he asks..... and is knocked flat on his back by the response - "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times."
The parable drives the point home.

Forgiveness - what is Jesus getting at?
What is it that He wants Peter, and you, and me to do?
What does God's Word say?

The very first book of the Bible, Genesis, gives us the insight we need in v.23-24. There we find the infamous boasting of a man named Lamech. "I have killed a man for wounding me, a young man for injuring me. If Cain is avenged seven times, then Lamech seventy-seven times."
Avenged - getting even, taking back, make 'em pay......
seventy-seven times.
Jesus says to Peter, "I want you to do the opposite of that..... 77 times!"
No avenging.
Instead - Forgiveness!

Forgiveness is when I can take my deep desire to get even, to make that wretch pay, to have them feel the pain they caused - just for a little while,
and....... release it, let it go,
give it over into the Heavenly Hands of Almighty God.

Forgiveness is when I can look at the drunk driver, the abusive husband, the negligent child, the cheating employee or ruthless boss, the loose-lipped friend
and give the anger, the desires to "let them have it, let 'em rot, wish they were dead," the thoughts of revenge, the yearnings to get even.....
......to bundle that all up and drop it at the feet of Jesus and give Him the space and permission to deal with it.

It is to acknowledge God's Word of Romans 12.19, "It is mine to avenge; I will repay, says the Lord."
Letting go, and letting God do with them what He must and will.

Forgiveness - If you haven't already found out the hard way, you're going to - trust me - you're going to discover that's it's one of the biggest, most difficult projects you will ever face.

It's big because of the constant barrage of little piddly stuff we face all the time - the little violations, trip-ups and crossings that get in the way. A hurt here. A whispered word there. A few dollars lost. A friendship betrayed. Undeserved pain inflicted. We all have it - wrongs done against us that need forgiving. Little wrongs that left unaddressed will soon build into a huge compost pile of rotting feelings and memories in the back 40 of our soul.

Forgiveness is also a big, difficult project because of the significant pains we experience. The ones that build up murderous rage inside. That make us feel literally sick when we see that offending person.

Forgiveness. Lewis Smedes, in his terrific little book, Forgive & Forget - Healing The Hurts We Don't Deserve says this:
Forgiveness is God's invention for coming to terms with a world in which, despite their best intentions, people are unfair to each other and hurt each other deeply. [xii]

Forgiveness - something we do whether or not the other person deserves it.
Forgiveness - a moral project that involves,
mostly
........ me.

Can you understand that?
Not first of all the one who offended me, hurt me, really wronged me.
Not the teacher who deliberately picked on me in front of the class; Not the supposed friend who waited till the rest of the group was present before he started to shoot cruel barbs my way; Not the co-worker who tried to build his career by sabotaging mine.
Forgiveness first of all involves me.
The hurt I'm carrying.
The desire I harbour to extract vengeance.
Forgiveness is not some cruel divine joke meant to add insult to the injury I've already experienced. Instead, it is a necessary divine road to release and healing for my life.
Check out Matthew 18.34. The unforgiving servant - see what happened to him? The parable is just a story, and says he's handed over to the torturers. Just a story, yes. But that bit about the torturers is SO true!

Lack of forgiveness will leave me tied up, imprisoned and tortured.
It leaves me carrying around my burden of revenge, malice and hatred. And what happens is that Satan crawls around this unfair, pain-filled world looking for such stuff, because it's a sort of spiritual velcro that he sticks to. Latches onto it, and doesn't let go.
Revenge, malice, anger, bitterness are like poison flowing in our veins.
It will torture us continually till we can let it go!
There can be many different types of tormentors which can afflict us.:

Physically there can be actual illness - colon trouble, arthritis, tension and anxiety, nervous disorders, headaches. They CAN come from lack of forgiveness. I've seen it so often.
Let me hasten to say that by no means do ALL illnesses come from a root of unforgiveness. That would be malicious to even suggest this is so.
But, lack of forgiveness very often leads to dis-ease of some sort.
A friend of mine - he must be close to 80 now - has walked around since I first knew him with a back brace. Due to a work injury, I was told. A few years ago he came forward for prayer at a church meeting, and while there was able to begin to deal with some long-standing resentments he held against his sister and other family members. The pastor prayed with him, and that started a process of forgiveness. Over some time he was able to let go of it. And today there is no more back brace.
Another woman I worked with was continually haunted by depression, and a whole range of physical disorders including skin rashes, joint swelling and neck problems. The doctors had thrown up their hands in exasperation. When I asked her about her mother, her eyes began to blaze with fire and cry with hurt at the same time. Asked her about her husband, and a horrible air of resentment filled the room. To my knowledge she still carries that burden - nursing it - with her to this day. She is still ill.
Physical torture. Emotional. And spiritual.

Look again at the parable. The servant who would not forgive - not only was he tortured; the forgiveness he sought was revoked.
Life's not fair. This world's not a safe space.
Hey - we're not always fair. Neither are we always safe to be with.
Certainly with God - how often we've violated His space, stood Him up, wronged and betrayed our relationship with Him. Yet we come here, week after week, seeking His forgiveness; that He, for Christ's sake, would let go of that legitimate right He has to get even, to make us pay, to have us suffer hell.
We're multiple offenders.

The gospel promise is that forgiveness IS available - full and free in Jesus. Amazing. It flows into and through our lives like a crystal clear river, sweeping away the sin and guilt and wrong we've done. Cleansing us. Refreshing us. New beginnings. Renewed relationships with our Heavenly Father.

HOWEVER

When we, who seek holy forgiveness so often, refuse to forgive others we behave like beavers building a dam across a sparkling country stream. The water backs up and floods the landscape. Brush and debris accumulate. Nothing gets washed downstream. Everything clogs up. A sodden mess. Trees begin to rot and eventually death happens.

When we deliberately hold back forgiveness, we build a dam that holds back the flow of God's mercy from sweeping through our lives and washing away the junk that accumulates within. Bitterness, guilt, sullenness, a brooding spirit, dark attitudes, and even demonic oppressions begin to gather. Joy rots away. Christian freedom and the liberating sense of being a child of the heavenly king gets all clogged up and muddied.
We begin to rot, spiritually and emotionally.
And if this condition lasts long enough it can kill us spiritually.

Forgiveness - letting go, and letting God.
Vital for our own spiritual life and liberty.
As one horribly abused person once mentioned to me some years ago, "Ken, I have to work on forgiving this person. If I don't I'll be carrying this dirt around for the rest of my life and it will kill me. I want to live. I want to be free. I don't need this garbage! I didn't deserve it and I don't have to keep it. I won't!"

Forgiveness is also vital for the sake of the community - why do you think Jesus brings it up immediately after the section about trying to sort things out between you and someone who has wronged you, sinned against you?
Where there is no forgiveness, there can be no renewed relationships.

Where there are no renewed relationships, the body of Christ is broken.
Where the body of Christ is broken, there can be no communion.
Forgiveness is vital to what we are about to do here, my friends.
Sharing from one loaf. Sharing from one gathered and pressed bunch of grapes. The one body and blood of Christ.

Doing so as a community of believers called Calvin Christian Reformed Church. Some of you have known each other almost 50 years. Lots of opportunity for wrongs to have been committed; irritations to develop; hurts to have been inflicted; trusts to be betrayed.
Others of you are new. But we each carry baggage.
Some little stuff. Some big stuff.

Can we let it go? Give it to Christ to handle in His holy, perfect way?
If we do - there is life.
If we don't - the ones most harmed are ourselves. And His Holy Body.

We're almost at the time when we need to come to the table. But before we do, I must share with you some very practical stuff on doing this forgiveness project.

First - some potholes to watch out for.
Forgiveness isn't avoiding or ignoring the hurt done to us; pretending it doesn't matter or didn't occur. And it's not coming up with a raft full of excuses to let the offender off the hook. The parable deliberately counts the cost of the debt. Up front. That's why verses 15-20 talk about confronting as a real part of reconciliation and forgiveness. Doesn't have to be splashed on all the headlines. But acknowledged. Really.

• Forgiveness is not giving permission for the hurtful behaviour to continue. The judicial process may still need to be followed. Precautionary measures may be put in place. Relationships may be changed. Things may NOT be the same as before.
• Forgiveness is NOT forgetting. It is letting go of vengeance. Scars may still remain. The fallout may still be real and present. No ignoring it.
• Forgiveness DOESN'T ignore the small hurts. The parable very deliberately lists a small amount - about $20 - as the second debt owed; the unforgiven one that eventually gets in the way and causes torture.

• Recognize that granting forgiveness may be like peeling an onion. Layer after layer. Peel one off to discover another below it. It takes time. And is a process. One that can't be rushed. Warning bells go off in my head when I hear people quickly and glibly say, "Oh, I've forgiven so-and-so."
• Forgiveness is an act of the will. Notice that Jesus doesn't command us to feel like we should forgive. You can't command feelings. If we wait till we FEEL like forgiving, none of us would ever do it. In your will recognize the hurt and your response of rage or resentment or whatever. Then recognize the need of setting a goal of forgiveness, of releasing that response into the hands of Jesus.
• Forgiveness needs prayer. As we begin to recognize the violations, we begin to take them, piece by piece to Christ in prayer. We bring them to him who has first forgiven us. In prayer we acknowledge the hurt we feel, the pain, the desires for revenge we have against that other person - lay them all out on the table before his heavenly throne. Perhaps we may even want to write a letter to Jesus. Putting it down on paper sometimes is a big help.
• In more prayer ask for the spiritual help to carry on. Ask for protection from demonic forces that will want to build dams against rivers of forgiveness flowing through our lives. This job is too big for us to do alone. As we pray, let's visualize the cross of Jesus - where our offences against God were forgiven by Jesus - "Help me, Jesus! Help me to forgive!" It's hard to forgive without seeing ourselves first as forgiven people.
• Then try to say the words, "I forgive...." Not cheaply, but recognizing all that has happened - the event, the pain, your bitterness. Try to say the words. Perhaps they will need to be said over some time, with much prayer, maybe again and again. But slowly, inch by inch we will move to the point where YES!! we can sense that this forgiveness is coming. The hold that this event, this malice had on us is melting away! And we are able to eventually summon the power to wish that other person well.

 

Join me at the communion table - the table of forgiveness.
Let us seek the River of Life to flow swift and clear. And pray that dams of bitterness - perhaps years old - would come crashing down today.